Looking Back

I do a lot of looking forward in my life, a lot of planning. In college, notebooks were filled with appointments, schedules, colored coded sticky notes and plans for the upcoming weeks, months, semesters. God be damned the person that wrote in my planner in a free space; they were negating my plans, and my organization. As often as this is a skill, which I like to think it is 99% of the time, it can also make it hard for me to stop and appreciate the moment, to recognize where I've come from. It's something that I've blogged about in the past, and is something that I continue to work on. So what better way to work on this skill than to stop, take a moment and reflect on where I was a year ago, with all of you along for the journey? Let's go, seriously itll be fun. And just a little rainy. A year ago, I was sitting in our best friends townhouse, waiting for the next day with the hope that it wouldn't really come. The night before graduation is one filled with high emotions, stress, anxiety and hope that rain will stop and the sun will shine. For the record, the rain never stopped and I've got my water damaged diploma to prove it. The night before graduation turned into the morning of, where quite literally it could not have been a more epitomized moment of what our friendships were, of how our relationships acted out and of who we were within each of those relationships. We made a plan to eat breakfast at a certain time. Only half of us were ready, and sat down to eat. Tragedy struck in the morning, making celebrating a little harder. The stress of finding families, of getting seated ran some of us ragged. And I was not having a good hair day. True to saint mikes fashion, no one knew whether or not we were taking a big class picture, and we winged it. Just like we would for the next year. Graduation morning was not idealized. It was not perfect, or in many ways very pretty. Being shoved out of your townhouse by a certain date at the same time that you're forced to say goodbye to your best friends, while waiting for a new car battery I might add, is not glamorous. It's cruel and unusual punishment. And yet, we made it through, just like we made it through the first year of the "real world" as scary as it seemed. Looking back, the succeeding year followed much of the same pattern as graduation morning. Tragedy struck for some of our best friends, forcing us to look at what's important in life, what we want to take with us and what we can leave behind.  We realized that plans in the real world are a lot harder to make than plans on a tiny campus, and that sometimes we missed the simplicity of sticky notes and planners. We tried too hard, did too much, found mistakes and bumps along the way. We left home, came home, and tried again. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't pretty. There was a lot of rain, but we winged it and we made it through. Someone asked me a couple of months ago if life in the real world was scary, and as bad as he had heard. At first i wasn't sure if I was qualified to answer, seeing as I avoided the year of rent, car loans and 401k funds, instead moving off to a tropical island in the middle of an ocean. And then I started thinking that there is no one real world, but rather the world that we find ourselves in and make for ourselves. Moving to north Carolina is a different real world from landing your first full time job, or finishing grad school or moving out of a small town for the first time. But it's still real. Working in a restaurant is as much real world as making your own products or presenting in front of your company's CEO. Getting a parasite in the Dominican Republic is as damn real as suffering from a bad head cold in the US- you still find yourself missing home. So whose to say what's the real world? Whose to say if it's really as bad as it seems? You. You are. You do. Because the real world is what you want it to be. And as long as you dictate it to the degree you can, it's not so bad. The key to surviving, I truly believe, is listening to your heart, realizing that this is your time. That what you do is your decision to make. That where you want to go is under your control. So, yes, the real world can be hard. But you can change it. Yes, there are obstacles, but you can move them. And, as always, there are rainy days, but when you get to run through them with your graduation gown and your best friend beside you, they aren't so bad. I get that my voice might be annoying on this subject. After all, I'm not at a desk job, or any type of job. I don't know how to pay rent, or even look for an apartment. But, I'm here, in my real world, and I'm happy. I didn't do what I thought others wanted me to after college, and im happy. I created my own real world, and I'm happy. Sure, there are days that suck. But they pass, and I realize that where I am, what I'm doing, its what I was meant to be doing in this moment. And I wouldn't have known it if I hadn't tried. If I hadn't leaped, and taken away the safety net. So the point is, the real world doesn't suck. Your life doesn't end when you get your diploma. Your friends don't disappear once you cross the stage. Things change, yes. Life can be hard, yes. Tragedy hits, yes. But it's doable, it's manageable. And just remember, when your planner full of sticky notes doesn't help, it's still okay to wing it. Because that's when the fun begins. That's when, instead of being in a full time job you end up speaking spAnish on an island. And loving it. Happy graduation, and one year anniversary to my very best friends in the real world. I couldn't be here without your support, and cant wait to see you in a month. Love you, Siobhan