Warning: this is going to get honest and provocative. I'm gonna talk about sex and the catholic church in the same sentence. So when your eyes roll back into your head, don't say I didn't warn you. Read on at your own risk.
At the beginning of this week, when I was forming ideas about my next blog, it seemed obvious that I should write about holy week and what that entailed in a community driven by their Catholic beliefs.I was going to write about the amazing palm Sunday mass in which hundreds of people processed down the streets waving palms and singing, or the chance happening that is going to allow me to observe in a special education school here in town. I could have described the awesome new resident of the nursing home and how i started to form a friendship with him, or even about the boredom that sometimes ensues from being home all week with no where to go.
And then, last night, I ended up going to a church meeting which was all about marriage, and how to be a good spouse. I obviously didn't know this was the topic when Freddy and Argentina convinced me I should go, and felt only slightly out of place when everyone was told to hug their spouses, until Freddy and Argentina enveloped me in a group hug. It wasn't until the priest began outlining the pertinent aspects and challenges in marriage, that I actually felt like i didn't belong, not only because I was boyfriend/spouse less, but also because I didn't agree.
Before I came to the DR, I self identified myself as going through a kind of religious crisis. I have, and always will, believe in God, but i was questioning where that fit into my life and how to act it out. I was questioning aspects of my belief and how they related to my everyday. When I came here, I felt like I had found what I was missing for the first time in a while. I finally found a church that was as active and dynamic as the one at school; where the community was involved and seemed to be truly living the word of God. It was amazing to see how much change and good the church brought to the people in the area, and how openly it was received. I found myself believing in this church, in these people, in the ceremonies. I found myself beginning to feel secure in my faith for the first time in a long time. And then last night happened.
In the midst of this marriage talk, I was reminded of all the reasons why I struggle with the catholic church. It started when the priest said that half of the purpose of a marriage is to procreate. Wait. HALF??? I mean, do I want children? Sure,One day. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day. Am i planning on having that be the only point to my marriage? No. And to go forward from there, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have sex with my husband more than just the amount it takes for me to create a child. Because he's my HUSBAND. People wonder why there is so much divorce and infidelity in the world: I don't. With rules like that no wonder people are cranky. The priest described curbing our urges like eating: there are times to eat and there are times not. Well, Mr., I say that I eat when I'm hungry and therefore if I feel another sort of hunger, I'm gonna fix that too. Because its natural. Because I'm human. Because its my right and I'm pretty sure God understands that because I was created in his image and all that.
And then we got to the issue of Gay Marriage. It came up under the list of things that can deter us from a happy marriage; things that can lead us away from God. If I could have handled the procreation argument, this is where I lost it. To list the number of reasons why this argument upset me would take a lifetime. It would include the fact that if gay marriage is a sin because procreation can't occur naturally, does that also make an infertile couple sinful? It would include the fact that with so many unhappy heterosexual relationships, are we really to deny happiness to a happy marriage just because biology got in the way? Oh, and then theres the fact that people don't choose to be gay. That they were made in Gods image. That they are who they are and deserve to be that person in every way possible.
I walked out of the marriage meeting sad, and frustrated. It wasn't that I had learned anything new, it's just that I was reminded of all the reasons why I don't agree with the church. It brought back my questions of whether it is okay to pick and choose what I like in the church, because there are so many things I like...there are just also a bunch I dont. I know that the church is a man made institution interpreting mans word about God, and that there is a separation between believing in God and in following all the doctrines of the church. And I know that my struggle is one that any questioning catholic goes through. I just also know that it sucks to be living in a word where it seems like the church is perfect just to be rudely brought back to reality in a lecture I probably shouldn't even have been in.
I guess it's kind of fitting that during holy week I found my own struggle, one that doesnt have an easy answer. The only way to solve it is to keep living and figure out how to reconcile my morals with those of the church. I don't know how that will result, but I do know that I believe that everyone deserves happiness no matter who they love. Oh, and that procreation isn't my only reason behind the action, if you catch my drift. Other than that, I guess it's just a mystery I'll have to figure out day by day. Sometimes, I'd rather have the easy way out.
Wishing you a happy holy Thursday,
Sabrina
S - Just remember that the church is so much more than what the priests (or even the pope for that matter) say. I struggle with some of the church's teachings on some of the "wedge" issues. My struggles come from both questions about the substance of the church's position and, more importantly, the mixed up priorities it reflects when the leadership speaks more about contraception then it does about poverty and homelessness. That said, what I don't struggle with is the model that Christ left for us. I always have had a Christ-centered faith, meaning that his words and life have always been the touchstone I look to first and last. Of course, I always consider the Catechism, etc. as well, but it is Christ at the Center. And that is the way it should be.
ReplyDeleteSo when you struggle with the faith - or more specifically with our church - think of the millions of people who call themselves Catholic and who model Christ - in how they love and sacrifice and serve - and remember that THEY are the Church. No funny hats or big churches. Just people that love Christ so much that they commit their lives to living in his image.
Peace
Chris