It came as kind of an annoyance that my one month anniversary of being in the Dominican Republic should land one of my least favorite holidays. But, gosh Siobhan, you might say, I thought you were a true believer in love and flowers and soul mates...why on EARTH would you hate valentines Day? Well, my friends, it isn't a holiday about love, but about who gets the biggest bouquet of flowers or best box of chocolate. And being boyfriend-less does not make this holiday fun. It was much to my relief, however, to learn that this holiday, when celebrated in DR, is less about romance and more about friendship and appreciation. This I could swallow, and it was in this spirit that I spent my own solitary one month anniversary with my ADESJO family. And it is in this spirit that I bring you the fourteen things I have learned about myself and this culture in the last month. Ye the use of the number fourteen is cliche, but so am I so just deal. Or x out of the page and miss the best blog ever- your choice.
Top 7 cultural revelations:
1. When offered a chair, you must sit down. If you do not, not only will you be looked at as having two heads, but you will be asked to sit down repeatedly until peer pressure gives in and you find yourself in the seat anyway. Avoid the awkward 30 seconds of trying to be polite, and just give in. And don't expect this to change as time goes on...Freddy's family still gets up so I have a seat whenever I walk into the room. It's a little like being royalty.
2. Tight clothes are ok, and preferred. This came as much a relief as I realized the if I keep eating at the pace I do, even my baggiest clothes will look like thy were tailor made for someone 2 sizes smaller. This is okay, because here it is the fashion. Even better is if you can add in something see through. I'm working that one in.
3. When people say "gracias a dios" they don't mean the casual thank god that we say at home. They truly mean thank you god for the gift you have given me, whether it be good health, food or a good friend. Religion here is not contained in books, churches or in a said prayer. It is lived, breathed and acted every day. It is less a belief and more a form of being. I have had more beautiful and simple religious experiences here than I have in the last few years at home, and I finally feel like I am starting to find something I was missing. Gracias a Dios, for opening my eyes.
4. Everyone you meet is either a best friend or family member. If you met them at church, they probably work with you, may offer you free medical care ( long story for later) or may just end up at your house that upcoming weekend. And if they aren't actually family, they will be soon. When a Dominican tells you that his house is your house, it isn't a line from a movie, but something that comes from the heart. And if there isn't enough room in their house for you, chances are they will build you your own...like Freddy is building me mine.
5. It is important that before embarking on this journey to is beautiful culture, you fast for a month or two. When it comes to food saying no doesn't exist. For someone very health and image conscious, it can be a daily challenge. To them, food is love and care. For us, it has often become an enemy, something to be avoided or to enjoy and later feel guilty about. Here, moderation is silly and who cares if you only eat carbs? They enjoy life, and want you to as well. So fast, bring your stretchy pants and get ready to enjoy the best food in the world.
6. Slow down. Things here are done at a slower pace. People and relationships are more important than work, and there is always tomorrow to get things done. A successful day is one where you talk to many people, laugh, dance and eat. It has little to do with our form of productivity, and more to do with the quality of your time spent. A cup of coffee or two don't hurt either.
7. And finally, when those boys yell at you from across the road, it's okay to pretend you don't speak Spanish or English. When they tell you they love you, the easiest tactic is to cross the road and look at your feet like they are the most interesting things you've ever seen. And when they make a hissing sound, it's less that they are mad and more that they want to get in your pants a little. Beware.
Ok, so that was kind of long and we are only half way through. Sure, you can leave the page now, but remember how much I just made you laugh? There's more to come and this time you can laugh at me. I wouldn't go anywhere if I were you...
Top 7 personal revelations:
1. I hate change. Not really a revelation as everyone but me seems to know this, but more of a reminder. As my parents and best friends told me over and over, if you can get through the first four days, you'll make it. I also am not blind to the irony that as much as I hate change I consistently throw myself into situations demanding it, and then don't understand why I'm homesick. So who volunteers to be the next person to remind me that this is how I am when I inevitably forget again? Applications always accepted.
2. I need time for myself and absolutely need independence. For those of you who have known me the last year or so, this may be obvious. But what is remarkable is that if you read my blogs from two years ago, or simply knew me as a freshman or sophomore in college I was much different. I hated being alone, needed someone to eat meals with at all times and often depended on someone else for my happiness. Granted, my need for independence has caused some hiccups, but for me it's also a hallmark of how I've grown.
3. I'm prone to bug bites and need to exclude all sugar from my diets. Also, when at the drug store before a trip it would do me well to remember that just because I am buying bug spray doesn't mean that I won't actually get bug bites, and that maybe I should splurge and buy the anti itch cream just in case. Not doing so has been a grave and itchy mistake and is one I will never make again.
4. I should never expect to sleep through the night. If it isn't our family of rats, or the symphony of pigs that keep me awake, it's my constant need to pee, or my irrational fear that a spider will lay eggs in my ear and have babies in my brain. Don't ask, but it kept me up for a good hour before I slept with a blanket wrapped around my ears. Why said baby blankets weren't still good at age 22?
5. I'm better at listening when I don't know how to respond. It's amazing how much you can take in and learn when you truly listen to someone else. I've been forced to do that here as I understand much more than I can speak back, and it makes me wonder how much we miss at home. It's common knowledge that we miss most of what people say because we are already formulating our response. I physically can't do that here because it takes me too long to process, and because of that I listen much more, and say less. It's a lesson I was forced to take, but one I think would serve us all well. Truly listen, as if your survival depended on it (because mine does) and then take the time to respond. Slow. Down.
6. I can be funny in a other language. Without my humor and sarcasm, I am lost in the world and am much less fun to be around. It's kind of like a clown without the big shoes- still enjoyable but missing a crucial element. So naturally I was worried that I would be a shoeless bozo for five months. Have no fear my friends, even with my limitd language capabilities I have found a way to make people laugh, and thus have found my identity in another world. I realized the day I started to feel at home was the day I made a joke and Manuel laughed and meant it. I knew then that I had found my shoes.
7. Lastly, I have discovered that I am stronger than I thought. Besides being able to lift two cement blocks at once, I can also live in another world and survive. I can be dropped somewhere with limited knowledge of the language, and forge my way through the days. Sure, I still need my nutrients of family, friends, and chocolates, but I can actually do it. Some days I still question whether I am actually making a difference here, and what my purpose on this journey is, but I no longer question if I am capable. I've already proven to myself that I am.
And that, my friend, is my much too long list of fourteen things that I have learned. I am excited to have given myself the chance to learn them, and to see what comes next. If I learned that much barely understanding what was happening, imagine what will happen after month 3 when I really understand people. And I offer you my congratulations for sticking with my until the end. I would send you a gold star, but it would take about a month to arrive in the states, and by then it would lose its glimmer.
Happy late friendship day,
Sabrina
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