Rabbit Rabbit

It's funny how life just works sometimes. Many of you have heard me express my frustrations in my lack of tasks during my first two weeks here. As much as many people would love to sit in the sun, read, eat and be taken care of, it was driving me nuts. I needed to start doing things, and I needed to relieve my cabin fever by getting out of the house. So I set a goal that on February first, no matter how or what it meant, I would do something. I would go to the nursing home and beg that they let me work, or I would just hold on to the back of Freddy's motorcycle and refuse to let him leave the house without me. Clearly I've matured in the last 3 weeks.

The morning of February 1, at about 230 in the morning I awoke to do my nightly pee in the dark, and then lie awake to the symphony of animals. It was also at this time that I whispered "rabbit rabbit" into the depths of the night and hoped that somewhere God was also awake peeing, and would hear my wish for good things to come. Well. Did he ever.

February first was the beginning of what would be a whirlwind of meeting with volunteer groups, villagers, Canadian ambassadors, Dominican senators and great cooks.  I spent the days traveling with Freddy, Sonia and Antonio to the villages to make sure all of the volunteers were okay, and that they had all the necessary provisions. Along the way I made some Canadian friends, met a future saint mikes prospect, and realized that maybe I am useful here.

As much as I realized I was needed when I had to translate for a group who spoke zero Spanish, it was in the in between moments that I found myself smiling and truly reveling in my life here. It was when, after talking to an older group of volunteers and joking around with them, Freddy looked at me and told me how special I was. It was when I didn't go to a closing ceremony for a group, and they asked Freddy where I was. It was when groups remembered me and wanted to talk to me about my experience so they could learn more within theirs. It was when a girl gave me her email address because she wanted to know more about what I was doing. It was when people told me I was brave, even though I'm just following my heart... And everyone else when they tell me to "vamos". And it was when Sonia, Antonio and Freddy all claimed that I was their child; that I was a child to ADESJO.

This week I realized I may have something to offer. It may not be in the form of building, but it's just in me. It's my ability to talk to people, to introduce myself, to smile and to share what I have been through. Its in talking and being able to listen to and justify someone else's experience. Looking at the groups leaving, I saw myself in their tears and inability to say goodbye to the people who had stolen their hearts. I was brought back to my first and second times here, and I was reminded of how I got to be here today. And as I saw their tears, heard them say grace and give thanks for learning this week, and looked around at the people who care enough to call me their child, I felt the tears form in my eyes. Because for the first time since I've been here, I've realized just how hard it will be for me to leave. To say goodbye to my crazy, sunny home. This week, while I started to put the pieces together, I also started to lose them one by one. You see, my heart, it's already broken and traces are all ready spread over this province. I'm already falling in love, for a third time, in a different way. Simply put, when June 13 comes, I'm screwed. 

I still have complaints, frustrations and anxieties, that I will continue to write about and process. But thats life; a lack of frustration would be a lack of learning, or living with passion. Amidst these feelings, however, is progress.  I've lost count of the number of days it's been since I've last had a tearful meltdown, and I've tuned out the animals...for the most part. I still may not have a bicycle, or my independence, but I'm in a different world and with that comes adjustment. I'm experiencing much, just not on my own timeline, and I'm starting to be okay with that. So cheers. Here's to a new week of still not knowing what's happening until it happens, of being exhausted all the time, and of trying to figure out just what people are saying. I couldn't be more excited.

Love to you all from the beautiful mountainside,

Sabrina